I am going to pose to you two different people.
One of them is incredibly intelligent, good-looking, very skilled, conversational, and rational. However, he lacks confidence and doubts his abilities every day.
The other is the opposite. They can be brash, stupid, illogical, ugly, and have no skills. However, they are confident and believe in their capabilities.
Now, let’s put both of them to the test. Who is going to get more opportunities, such as career options, friendships, skill improvements, or hustle opportunities?
As much as I love the first guy at the top, I have to put my money on the ladder. That first guy is taking the steps he needs to get noticed.
You have probably heard the saying, “Confidence is everything.” While no one should ever take that literally (that’s how we get an ego), anyone with even a tiny amount of life experience will tell you it’s essential.
However, as time has passed and our culture has gotten more complicated, men in our time have been losing more and more drive and confidence.
I know men who are incredibly talented and wonderful, and I would trust them with my life.
But many times, when approached with an opportunity, they shy away from it. Typically, they believe that they are either “not ready” for it or think “it’s better if someone else takes/does it,” despite the opportunity being a significant upside for them or even incredibly life-changing.
Which is a crying shame. I see men my age who are just moments away from opportunity, only to snatch it away from themselves. It just sucks. They either make excuses or say they can’t do it because of their capabilities.
This is a prevalent issue for men in America, as confidence can shape a man’s whole thoughts and behavior. Why?
Look at successful men, men’s role models, stereotypes/standards, and the house that men come from.
Many of these men understand who they are and know they are capable: confidence.
This helps them because our society highly values men with skills.
But that doesn’t mean you must have high-value skills to be seen highly.
If you want to increase your social currency, you need one thing. Confidence.
Think about it. There are so many men who—regardless of how good they are in skills and as people—are still liked and loved by those around them. Because of this, the man is given opportunities to create connections with high-standing people, shown events to network, and given positions at a high-standing company. All of these things are just because he has confidence, and so others value that confidence.
So if value comes from confidence, then how can we able to
GAINING CONFIDENCE
So, as men, if we want to be seen as capable and incredible, we have to figure out how to gain confidence. Fortunately for you, I have 3 different ways to do this.
1. Exercise
A great way to start is by exercising. I’m sure you know about this one, but it’s true!
I have been exercising for a couple of months, and after a challenging workout, I always feel so much energy. I feel like I could take on the whole world if I
wanted to. And I am specifically talking about us Americans.
Young guys aren’t being encouraged to work out anymore. With an increase in sedentary jobs, electronics giving us dopamine right through our fingertips, and the food most Americans eat being highly processed, we are always feeling worse. So we are left with a lot more overweight people with low energy who feel like they can’t tackle the problems of tomorrow (nor are they encouraged to) and continue to be in their bad habits.
Men need to see the fruits of their labor to feel encouraged and confident. What better way to do that than to tone and get stronger? Feeling the energy go through your body will help you feel capable and confident.
I have some advice for those who are starting out: I recommend starting with only a couple of exercises and not making it too intense. I know the urge—you want to push yourself super hard and really put yourself to the test. But in reality, if you haven’t been training often, your muscles aren’t used to the intensity and give out quickly.
What you should do instead is start small. Then grow bigger every week. Not every day or every other day. Just every week. Then, find exercises you like that can cover all your body’s areas. So if you really like push-ups, then do that! Love crunches? Add it to the list. If you continue doing what you want, you have a higher chance of sticking to your training.
If you are looking for a program to start your journey or are a star athlete, there is a free program named Bootcamp that has both paid and free workout regimens that go into all the details. I tried out the free programs there, and they’re great! I recommend checking it out here:
2. Learn New Skills
Think back to the beginning of this blog post. The man was very confident, knowing that he was competent because of all the things that he could do.
Well, you can be that person, too. Think of all the stuff that you can learn. From investing to writing to project managing, having the sky be the limit on this kind of thing. I am not recommending that you know things that don’t apply to you or your life, but skills you are interested in or can help push your life forward.
If you have a dream, think of what you want to accomplish. How would you get there? What skills would you need?
So here’s an example. Say that you want to open a restaurant. Great! So you must learn how to cook to get into that new building. The reality of the situation is that you are going to need more than that. You would need to learn things like management. You can’t reasonably run a restaurant by yourself. You need to know a basic amount of marketing. Who is your target demographic? Where would you advertise to get your target customer? Italians? Rich people? Everyday people?
Now apply that to people like us (who don’t want to open a restaurant.) Are there skills that you could learn to improve your knowledge? If you are a mechanic it would be useful to extend your understanding of electric cars rather than just regular ones. What more skills could you learn to improve yourself – be that in your profession or your personal life – so you know that you can take any task thrown at you? Thus enhancing your confidence and your life.
3. Looking Inward
Not all self-improvement talk may help a man’s confidence issues. For some, it wouldn’t matter how well they looked, how important to others he may seem, or even what he is capable of. Some innately feel they are not worthy, so they have no confidence, no matter the evidence.
For those experiencing this, it would be time to look inward at yourself and ask yourself questions. Questions like –
“Why are you not confident in yourself despite who you are?”
“What do you think of yourself?”
“What happened in your childhood?”
Depending on what is answered, you may need professional help. Depression and anxiety are illnesses that do exist and are always out, causing harm. According to APA (American Psychological Association), just over 30 percent of men will experience a period of depression, which makes this much more important to observe. You can check out some statistics here:
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers
Not all men feel as if they have no confidence, can’t have it, or are depressed or anxious. Sometimes, it could be from trauma or just an ideology that the person has. So, while it could be depression, it doesn’t mean that it is. You could even be the person who isn’t confident until you reach a certain point in life. Which gives you all the more reason to look inward.
IN CONCLUSION
Confidence is a trait that all men should have. A man with confidence feels capable and can take on more opportunities for self-fulfillment and growth. Men without confidence normally feel incapable and can limit the number of opportunities/events that they are willing to take.
I hope that this blog has helped you or another man you know. If it has, consider sharing it with friends and family who need it.
If you have something to say, you can reach me at [email protected]. And if you or another man that you know would like some coaching, consider checking out this link: https://paperbell.me/max-claunch
Thank you for reading. Check back weekly for more content!